Sometimes I Forget (The Math)

Sometimes I forget that I'm awesome. Plain and simple. I go into this spiral of things not being good enough, not having enough time, and making things hard for myself. I see it, I watch as it begins to happen. What's the first thing to trigger it? Sleep. Not enough sleep. Not enough rest. Not enough time "off the clock". It happens to the best of us, many of us, most of us. Chronic sleep deprivation, and of course, give it to me to embark upon this journey in "The City that Never Sleeps". First it's the sleep, then it's the food, the water, the exercise, the mood, the thinking, it all gets a bit wacky. And I end up forgetting the most important thing that got me here and keeps me here, me. This body. Self care. Self love. Taking it easy. Appreciating me for what I am at this very moment. Perfectly imperfect, a badass, capable of all things. I also forget the tools that keep me here. I forget to come back to myself, I step of my path and resort to programmed habits. I forget the math.

Let me explain. One night last spring my three roommates and I were sitting around in the living room in an official/unofficial house meeting when I looked around the room at them and thought, "Well, if you're awesome and you're awesome and you're awesome, then that means I must be awesome, too! It's math!" I shared my thoughts and we all agreed. It is our house motto, when we remember.

This comes back to me or I come back to it when I see people that I respect, that I care deeply about, that call me out on my bullshit, that support me in being the best and truest version of me. That authentically honest, powerful, badass woman that I am. I feel this often when I get together with many of the friends I went through the New York City Teaching Fellows with. For those of you who don't know, this is a program subsidized by the Department of Education of New York City to train new teachers for public schools with high needs.  You are placed into a graduate program and agree to work two years in the Department of Education while you study and receive your certification. I just completed this program. It was the two most intense years of my life, so far, and I couldn't have done it without the other incredible superheroes I met along the way. They are still some of my closest friends, and they bring me back to the math. The "you're awesome and you're awesome and you're awesome, so that means I must be awesome, too." I see them, they shine, they bring a smile to my face, I am in awe of their awesomeness. When I remember, I bring that math in and see that I, too, am awesome. And sometimes, I forget. We forget, We remember, We forget, We remember, We forget, We remember. Until we do or we don't. Remember, remember: I. Am. Awesome. So thankful that I got to see some of these mirrors tonight, that reflect back to me that light that shines in them is the light that shines in me. In us all, in me, as in you, here, now. Muchas gracias familia <3
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