Earlier today I was sage-ing/smudging (blessing with a sage smudge stick) the studio, as I often do in my home as well, by giving thanks for things in my life and in that place - the studio, my boss, my colleagues, the students, the space, the props, the warmth, the refuge, the experiences that have brought me there, etc etc etc, and then tonight I began to wander through all of these magical moments again. All of the fascinating people, breathtaking places, diverse emotional experiences, I pulled them out of my memory and into my sight. I recognized that each one of them, while I was living it, I didn't see how fleeting it was or how much I would think back to it in the future. Most of these moments I was just living IN IT, in that moment, enjoying it (or not...) as best I could, not thinking about anything, just experiencing it for what it was. In doing so, I was able to just be, just be me. Then there are other moments that I barely remember or that I remember for their pain, sadness, or the consumption by fear and doubt. From these moments, all I can remember clearly were those emotions, my individual experience, not much of what was going on around me or in the reality of the situation, because I wasn't always THERE. I was in the past, regretting, I was in the future, worrying, I was barely even THERE, barely in that moment, in that place, connecting to the fortune of being alive. I had forgotten the magic of life. My boss said that to me once, in early November or late October. That feeling comes back around to visit every now and then.
That is the premise of another song that has been playing around in my mind space lately, "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkel. The lines, "Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where, and we don't where... ", remind me of myself here in the city. I remember several years ago, when I was working at an international boarding school in Tarrytown, New York and a coworker of mine mentioned this song and its association to her time spent in NYC. She also did the NYC Teaching Fellows program, as I did the past two years, and said it was one of the craziest experiences she's ever had. Now I know why. Now I also understand her relationship to that song. The next line, "Here I am... The only living boy in New York", as a reminder that in order to stay well, stay HERE, stay grounded and enjoying the chaos and rush of this place, we must remember: Here I am. Here I am. Here I am.
I am not in the past. I am not in the future. Here I am. Come back to now.
Simon & Garfunkel knew it, we all know it, it's just whether we practice it or not.
When we start time-traveling ( atopic of future discussion), can we bring ourselves back.
We come back and remember, I have a choice: to see everything as magic or nothing as magic. To see everything as a miracle or nothing as a miracle. To see all things as a lesson and a gift or everything as meaningless and unimportant. It's my choice. And why would I choose anything other than magic? Each and every moment, interaction, smell, taste, and sight will never pass our way again. At least not in that way, in that shape, or in that form. It's all gold. Every single bit.
I leave you with the words of Robert Frost, whose poem inspired the album name of one of my middle school pop-punk obsessions, read it, remember, nothing lasts forever. This. Is. It.
#hereiam #thisisit #beherenow #itsallconnected #findthethread #shareyourstory #everymomentmatters #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening #NYCismagic
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