Looking for Love

 I tend to leap for Love. That sounds cheesy but it's true. I fall in love really easily. Not often, but when I do, I begin to envision our future together and all the possibilities and then make rushed and wild decisions in the name of keeping that connection going. It is a sort of control, out of fear, that if I don't act now it will be gone forever. And yes, to a certain extent it is true, these opportunities never come again, but the real truth is that what is meant for you is yours and will always find you, because it is you and it can never go away. It is within you and waiting for you to reveal yourself to it. There is no pressure for this love. There is merely gentleness and ease and trust. That is what I seek. Yet what has kept me from it is all the actions I have taken out of alignment with it, in the process of this learning.

While walking the Camino, it became clear to me that my resistance to things was revealing to me the places that I most deeply wished to go. Deep, deep within myself, on the soul level, these were the experiences that I had called in to grow and evolve into the person I am here to be. Speaking publicly, teaching, sharing, gaining confidence, writing books, using my gift for languages, and surprisingly, a family, a partner, a home. Really. In my 31 years on this planet I have never thought that I just may want to have a home and a partner and children, but on the Camino it was in my face, statues of mothers, families with children, happy couples, and I realized, I want that. I don't just want it in the sense to have it. But I really want it, to know and share that love. Perhaps that is why I leap. Why I jump.

I forget that things take time. As I operate mostly in realms not of this earth (thought, ideas, imagination, vibration, crown chakra!), matters of money, time, space tend to be issues in my life (survival, root chakra!). Still learning how to maneuver these things and ground myself here. When I meet someone and actually feel something, I immediately assume it and "know" it to be Love. I forget that love, just as anything takes time. Trust takes time. All relationships, all things here take time. Careful, precise, daily attention is what is needed to maintain and grow all things - plants, children, a project, a book, Love. So as I recognize and realize and remember, to ease myself in, be patient, take care, and look out for the  present and future Lauren, I know that each move matters. And that this Love I seek cannot be provided by a partner, by a job, by a place. It IS me. I AM it. My presence, my being, me.