Keepin' it Together

What is this lurking cloud, this storm-like blackness that dulls and seeps and downpours over me? My throat clenches as my head tingles and chest burns. It's still here. Well I guess I haven't done anything differently. It's like I'm fleeing the moment instead of sitting calmly and patiently in it. When I sit in  here, quietly, calmly, peacefully, knowing. All is well. But there's this switch, the mental noise, a trigger, memories, habits, on repeat. Go, go, go. What is it that I run from? And why do I stay with what doesn't feel good? Why do I stay with what drains my energy? I begin to isolate and self hate. No no no! I've been here before and this is not what I choose. I choose love, I choose light, I choose togetherness, I choose community, I choose open, honest communication, I choose emotion, to e-mote, honesty, integrity, responsibility. I choose to align myself with individuals and community who value what I value and who seek to grow in love, seek to grow in light, seek to grow in opportunity and creativity and hope. For a better world, a better place.

I choose to love myself, to honor myself, to move towards what feels right. To leave behind all that does not serve me.