Let's just say I've been coming back into whack. You know how we say something's "Out of Whack", yea, well, I'd say that was me for, well, a while. The truth is it's many of us. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, there is just not as much ease, not as much consciousness, not as much choice in us living the lives we really want to live. So let me explain... It started with a plantar's wart. (I'm sure it goes back much farther than that, but let me begin where I remember. )
This plantar's wart arrived on my foot probably over two years ago. So far back I can't even remember. It began small, I tried some at home stuff - apple cider vinegar, over-the-counter stuff, duct tape, all sorts of concoctions. I thought I had removed it. It came back. I was in the midst of the NYC Teaching Fellows (probably described previously as a tumultuous two-year-period of intense anxiety) and just didn't have time for it. Didn't have time to eat, didn't have time to sleep. Didn't have time to go to the doctor to figure any of this stuff out. I just kept telling myself, "Maybe it will just go away, yea, that's right. It will just go away."
Except it didn't... AND it wouldn't because as Pema Chodron says:
So it just stayed there waiting, growing, silently planting its roots, waiting for me to listen. About six months ago I started working at the yoga studio. I later found out there was a woman who was also suffering from a plantar's wart. We had spoken quite often and had found that we had a lot in common. She tells me of Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life" and how wart's are said to be "little expressions of hate and belief in ugliness". I already knew this as I had the book by my bedside. For those of you who don't know Louise Hay, she's all about the body-mind connection and that changing our thought patterns can heal our bodies. So yea, I knew this, that was great, I had the wart, hadn't taken time to do anything about it. Mostly what I had been doing was trying to understand what the expression of hate at the root of my being could be.
I recognized it to be beliefs about myself and what I'm capable of. I often fall into the habit of limiting myself, of telling myself that I can't do, that I don't deserve it things, that things should just stay as is and not to rock the boat. What is that bullshit?! That's not me, that's not the life I want, it is the most uncomfortable thing... trying to be comfortable in things that don't suit you. So I had pondered that quite a bit but had done nothing, nothing!, about the removal of the wart.
Until one day. About two months ago. When my blue lace agate & quartz crystal pendant hit my front teeth. HARD. It was closing time at the studio and I was tidying up the mats for the next morning. As I picked up the mat to fold it correctly, UP swung the crystal and, SNAP, it hit my front teeth. Crystal. Yes, CRYSTAL. Rocks that take thousands of years to form under intense pressure. I felt a shock run throughout my body. The fascinating thing was that it hit all of the points in my body that I had been recognizing pain or sensitivity in: my left shoulder (sore from overwork and incorrect alignment in some yoga poses), my right hip (tightness), my left calf and heal (tightness & soreness) and then.... YES, I couldn't believe it, the plantar's wart on the ball of my right foot! I stood there in shock, frozen, feeling the bolt through my body, hoping I hadn't broken all of my front teeth.
As I came back to myself, I reached for my front teeth... all there. Phew. Then I realized... holy shit. All of these aches, all of these pains, all of these things that have happened in my life, one after another after another, could all be related to this wart, could all be related to this "anger at the root of my being". It was time to DO something.
Since I had been going round and round in my head and hadn't been able to figure it out, I decided it was time to work from the outside in. Heal the body, heal the mind, heal the mind, heal the body. It works both ways! I found a podiatrist and have been working on the removal of the wart. I have to go back every two weeks for a series of treatments to freeze it and make sure to get all the roots out. Since it has been there for a while, it is pretty deep. The treatments have been more and more uncomfortable, and afterwards, I'm not able to walk on my right foot. It swells up, blisters, and is super sensitive. I have to hobble around and walk super slowly.
This has taught me so much. Patience, appreciation, attention. I have also noticed how much people notice. People feel sorry for me, apologize for my discomfort, wish me well and a fast recovery. They are SO kind. I laugh and say, don't worry, don't be sorry. This was ME. This was my decision! I did this to myself. Seriously. How could I have ignored my body for so long? How did I not think that the pebble-sized growth on my right foot would not affect my balance and then cause plantar fasciitis in my left foot and strain the muscles? Well it did. With over two years of minor adjustments to my walk, to my stance, to my balance, a lot of stuff has been thrown out of whack. But I am happy to say that I'm working it all out. I'm coming back into it. Into alignment, into balance, into whack.
Until Next Time.
Carry on Peaceful Warriors!
#comingback #balance #alignment #healthyself #payattention #wakeup #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening
