I'm back! So it has definitely been a while and I haven't been super good about writing even in my journal. I've been traveling a lot the past week, spending several days in Jersey with the family and then the past few days in Cincinnati celebrating a friend's wedding. It's been great connecting with everyone, spending time but really feeling the need to get back to preparation. Oh yea, haven't even written about this here yet... or have I? I'm about to head to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago! 500 miles across Spain and then likely heading down to Portugal. I leave on the 30th of September and will be starting the walk during that first week in October. Not only am I going to walk the Camino, but I have actually bought a one-way ticket across the pond, will be taking my time and seeing what presents. It's big. And I'm pretty terrified.
That's where I've found myself the past week actually, lots of fear has been presenting. How is this going to happen? What am I doing? What if this and what if that? I mean, I guess it's normal to have these feelings especially during a big transition, and I keep reminding myself that this is what I have wanted for a while and as soon as I made the decision to make this move, many things started to come into alignment to make it happen. Also, I have to realize what a leap I have taken; I haven't been working since the end of August (when I left my job as studio manager) and have basically been trying to create my own schedule for preparations (work... but for myself!) which has proven quite challenging as time management and planning are not my super strong points, as well as tying up my life here in New York. Lots of change, big stuff. And I often ask myself why I need to do things like this? Can't I just stay and be okay with this instead of moving again and again? Why can't I just be happy with where I am? Then I remember, I'm not supposed to be. That's not why I'm here. If I had been or was satisfied with what I was doing I would stay. I believe and put my faith in the knowing that I am on my way. I am learning and growing and all of this is for the best for me and for everyone, because ultimately this journey, this story, this life is to share and inspire and to be an example.
I have to remember to be kind with myself, to be patient, to move slowly and with care. To encourage and support myself through whatever this journey brings. To come back to the tools I have learned for my own balancing and grounding. I am grateful, too, for the friends new and old that continue to guide me and steer me back when I get off track. Self guidance is ultimately the goal, but the truth is we all need our guides, our mentors, our partners, our tribe. They guide us, remind us, and bring us back to ourselves. That has definitely been one of the most challenging things since leaving my role as manager of the studio, finding the time to connect with like-minded people. I was fortunate to have worked in a place where many of the students and practitioners were my friends. We shared stories, insights, concerns, and were a support for one another. The difference now is that I need to plan to see those people I want to see, organize gatherings, bring those energies into my life purposefully. It's definitely different!
So off I go again. Planning to get the writing back up regularly. It is helpful for me to process all that is going on during this time of transition, and it's a great way to keep you all updated with what's happening.
Some highlights of the past week:
Lake Hopatcong trip with old friends
Paul McCartney live in NJ
Krishna Das concert in NYC
Friend's wedding in Cincinnati
Reunion with Spanish friends
Exploring Cincinnati - making new friends all over the place!
Crystal magic & oracle card sharing with friends
phew... busy busy busy
Life is beautiful. Hasta pronto familia.
Much love,
Lauren
