Life is Beautiful & Chamomile Tea

I've been pretty blah lately. Things have been heavy, I've felt rushed, like there's so much to do (personally, professionally, in the community and our collective society) and I can't seem to fit it all in, and not fitting it in means I'm not succeeding, not doing enough, not doing well enough, just not enough. Not enough, Not enough. Not enough. I know many of us are feeling these things, there's been so much going on.

This morning, I opened up Gabby Bernstein's "The Universe Has Got Your Back" and recognized a similar story to what I've been experiencing. As I have been telling myself I'm not enough, I feel I don't want to be seen, I don't want to be heard, I'm not good enough for that. I want to be safe, I want to be small and on and on and on.

And what do I get from those feelings? In some areas I feel I want to be small, I want to be safe, I want to be quiet, I don't want to be seen. At the same time, in other areas where I'd prefer to be relaxed, I get The Universe calling me to step into my power. To step in, lean in, embrace this power. The Universe is guiding me to do so despite the fear talk that wants to keep me safe and small.  I cannot run from it. You cannot run from your life, from your duty, from your purpose, it will always find you, it will always follow you, it is what you are meant for! My voice is being called to be heard, I am called to be seen, I am called to make my name, face, opinion known. It is mine, it is me, it is enough! I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. My voice matters. I matter. 

During my reading, I made annotations, as usual, comparing excerpts with the movie Life is Beautiful and the book The Alchemist, among other things. I liked how she suggested asking to be guided by the Universe, looking for the guidance, and trusting in it once it presents itself. So I began my day on that foot, thinking, "Okay, Universe, I am here because you put me here and I will trust and follow your signs. I will get out of the way and trust whole-heartedly in all that you are presenting me with. Please guide me and show me the way I should go." 

With that in mind, I hopped into an uber and the driver, super peppy and positive, wished me, "Happy New Year!" and our conversation flowed. He spoke of the music on his radio, west coast electric rock and roll, and totally recommended it for good vibes. I shared with him the ickiness I've been feeling lately, how in actuality things are pretty great, I just always seem to fall into complaining or sitting in the blah-ness instead of shifting and choosing to see the good. That's my journey, I guess, that's all of our journeys. He then recommended "herbal teas", specifically chamomile, "it's a great one". All right, Mike, thanks! And off I went.

... the day goes on, and I recognize the signs. The teacher of the kids' dance class tells me she felt inspired to use this song for their dance routine because of the movie Life is Beautiful... and I'm like, wait whatttt?! Life is Beautiful? Really? Check out my annotation from this morning. Thanks, Universe, noted. Life. is Beautiful. Then, my friend from work who is super geeky into herbalism and makes awesome teas, makes me an elderberry blend to help with my sore throat/sinus stuff going on. As we're sitting there, she says, "You want to know why Chamomile tea is so great?" And again, I'm like... wait whattttt... Chamomile? Really? Thanks, Universe! There you go again. She then proceeds to tell me about the magic of the plant and why it actually does what it does to uplift us. And so it goes... I asked to be guided, I was given the guidance, and I roll with it. Life is Beautiful... and Chamomile tea. Keep it simple. Just like that.

#spiritguides #theuniverse #youareit #shareyourstory #wakeup #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening #healerhealthyself #takeiteasy #takeitslow #Iamenough

Courage

Just out of a bath. Haven't taken one in a while. While I lay there staring at the Courage candle I bought for myself a few weeks ago, this mantra came to mind, "Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is be yourself."

"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is be yourself."

"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is be yourself."

Be Yourself, Listen to Yourself, Love Yourself, Fearlessly.

And on that note, it's time for bed.

Love to You All.

It's All There, All Along.

Over the past week A LOT has happened. A LOT. Collectively, professionally, personally, there's just a lot of movement. That's how I've been calling it. Movement, shifts, opportunities for growth. And in the midst of this, what happens? I feel swept up, rushed, confused, unable to focus, it's a lot of fear basically. What's going on? How will it end up? Why is it like this right now? Why can't this all just match my vision of how I see it, right now, just as it should be? And then about myself... can I handle this? How will I manage it? Am I ready to do this? Do I want to do this? Will I ever know? Will I ever feel confident enough to do this? And yes, all of this, especially during these times. Fear comes in, fear lingers, and how does it make me feel? Is it bringing resolution? No. Is it making me feel better? No. Is it productive? No. And so I learn. Asking all of these questions and wondering and worrying doesn't get me anywhere but stuck in my head. When I shift into love, when I sit and breathe and take a minute, things present themselves, things are just there. It's all there, all along.

If you've been in touch with me recently, you've probably heard of the issues I'm having with my apartment and management company; we've been out of gas since a fire in July and there is little to no word on updates. I've begun to hold monthly housing meetings and created a facebook group for correspondence and information sharing. This takes a lot of my energy, a considerable amount. But the truth is that I enjoy bringing people together, I enjoy educating myself and others on issues of importance, I enjoy empowering people, and I enjoy standing up for what is right. I feel power, I feel courage, and I feel strong. It brings out the best in me.

On the flip side, it can also wear me out... when I spend my free mornings and evenings holding meetings, doing research, meeting with attorneys, calling the company. It can be exhausting. So I read my cards last week or two weeks ago and what showed up... all things about my home and my housing situation. The story read that I am taking on much more than is needed and that I already know that it's not a great situation and that the company is being dishonest and tricky in their business. The outcome revealed to me just what I needed to know, "Justice", that all would end just as it is supposed to. The truth will be revealed, there is no rush, just trust and know and prepare myself. So I stopped the rush for information, I stopped filling up my time with meetings and phone calls. I began to focus on my work and the movement going on there, and when I did...

My first work-study came in on Saturday for his training. We went through ins-and-outs of the online system, space, shift responsibilities and then talking about some things... shared a bit about my housing issue, then he about his; similarities, three roommates, old building, not too thrilled with the management company and overall vibe of the situation. He tells me he's been in court for months with his housing company over several issues, first gas and now holdover. I ask about the gas issue, he says the gas was shut off because the pipes were too old and had to be replaced in the whole building. The same issue as in my building. He says the process took two years. It's been six months at mine. He said he withheld rent. I said we have started to as well. I ask who his management company was and he says... "E&A?" "E&A or E&M? They both exist, E&A is good, E&M, not so much." "Not sure, but I do know that before the case started, the building was sold to them by Galil management."

My jaw dropped... the SAME management company. Same situation. Pre-fire, Galil. Post-fire, E&M. Exactly. They pass it on and on and on, avoiding what needs to get done, avoiding any trouble, one huge scam. Like playing chips on a board. Except we're not and I won't let them... He then proceeded to outline the whole process, what he did, what they did, the court, the settlement, the details. It was just what I had been looking for. It was what I had been hoping to hear or find somewhere. Someone who had been through and knew what to do. And so it goes. When I stopped pushing and pulling, and scheduling and doing, there it was. When I settled back into myself and brought my focus to what I truly needed to get done, all of the information I was seeking came to me, in divine timing. Not on my watch, but just when it was meant to. And there it was, right in front of me. It was all there. All along.

#itsallconnected #followtheyellowbrickroad #theuniversehasgotyourback #lovelovelove #shareyourstory #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening #trusttheprocessofyourlife #takeiteasy #letitbe #youareit

Warriors of The Rainbow 🌈

You know what all the magical people have in common? They follow the sun. They follow the natural rhythm of things. They tune in to what was here and where we come from and all the bounty that is around us all the time. When I say the "magical people", I mean the people who were here before us, our ancestors, the original peoples, the indigenous, native peoples of earth. Who were they and what were they doing? They were warriors of the rainbow, they followed the sun, the light, that rhythms of Mother Earth. I see that motion. I understand that motion. I find myself wondering... where is the sun? Why does it seem so hard to find it? Have we gotten off course? It all seems pretty dark at times... and then I worry. I find myself worrying and I step back and say, is this where I want to go or do I want to follow the sun? I find more and more the awareness that I can tune myself into that. Follow the sun. Follow your bliss. Recognize the abundance that lies around you at all times and places. You are alive. You have this breath. You have woken up today. You are here for a reason. Trust that, know that, you are a warrior of the rainbow. Our time is coming. We've got this. See you along the way.

Love & Light
#landbridge #followthesun #followtheyellowbrickroad #samestory #itsallthesamestory #herosjourney #josephcampbell #warriorsoftherainbow #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening #thisisit

I Am A Part of It.

Transitions freak me out. I am not sure what the transition is or where it is presenting. If it's just in my personal life, my professional life, the collective life, probably all of it. I actually saw in a documentary last week that we are transitioning between ages, from the age of Pisces ( 0 A.D. to present) into the age of Aquarius in 2150. Talking century long transition coming to an end. That's a big one! Oh also, not that you didn't know, but we are inaugurating a new president in a couple of days. I'd like to think that I've settled into that idea, but yeaaaa not so much. It's still a bit Hunger Games-ish for me. So I feel this collective surge of dis-ease at the moment. And then in my personal life there are transitions, apartment, people, relationships, and professionally, a changing of roles, new projects, a change in the space and energy. There is A LOT of movement. While I know in the big picture that this is all happening exactly as it should, and I, as a player in each of these aspects, have been instrumental in the transitions that are happening (whether I notice or take credit at all), it still is not easy for me.

During these times of change I feel a pull to withdraw, to go away, to shrink back and say, "Well, this just isn't my thing, yea... I'm not so sure about that. Can't I just hang out over here and let things just go along? I'm not really all THAT important in this shift, am I?" Seriously. I start getting impatient with it all, thinking, "This is just not the way things are supposed to be. It should just align with my vision for the future, NOW. Either align with my vision now or this just isn't working. Why is it not aligning? Why is it not working? This just doesn't feel right." That's what my mind is doing. And during these times I get tons of reminders to Wake Up and see that this is all happening exactly as it should. That I am traveling this road for a reason, and the lesson is to Wake Up to that. That this road I travel is IT. This road I travel is the same as every other road I've traveled and will travel. That to make the most of this moment, right here and now is what I am here to do.

Reminders over the past few days have been big: We are redesigning the entry space at the studio and were looking for benches and other furniture to fill the space. I had a vision in mind as did the owner and the woman who helps with interior design of the space. I envisioned handmade wood benches, sturdy, heavy-duty, withstanding weight and years and wear and tear. We went ahead and looked online. We ended up ordering some pieces and are awaiting their delivery (until then, it seems we have just moved into an unfurnished apartment :P) So I'm explaining the vision to students as they come into and out of classes and this guy says, "Do you need a bench-maker?" And I thought to myself, what an interesting question. Is there even such thing as a bench-maker? Is that a real job-title? He must know someone if he asked, right? "... Do you know one?" I replied. "Yea, me." And I stared and smiled and kind of jumped, "You're a bench-maker?! You mean it's you?! You've been here all along!" And there it was, right in front of me, the dude who could make our benches. Though he won't because we already ordered them, so I'm feeling to ask about some other pieces for the studio. Point of story being, when you ask, when you share, when you open up and let out all that you desire, when you dare to dream, dare to imagine, create a vision in your mind, all of the universe works to bring it to you.

Another, I was at a gathering the other night with a friend from the studio and many of her long-time and recent friends. I felt like I was entering the party scene from the movie Neruda, let me paint it for you: The energy was that of poets, writers, musicians, progressives, alternative lifestyle, free-spirits, authentic people, an underground scene, open, loving, inviting, full of love and perhaps, illegal activities. Wine was flowing, food was abundant, and conversation jumped across the table from person to person, music in the background, the host running into and out of the kitchen, old friends and new merging into family. It was wonderful. So as the night was winding down, I was talking to my university professor (who happens to live across the hall from this woman I befriended at the studio! #nocoincidences) and the host, telling them of all the apartment issues I've been having and all the changes that are coming about. The host ends up sharing a story of a tenant that she has and I think, "What tenant and where?"

Side note: For two plus years now I have envisioned an apartment, studio or one bedroom, lots of light, quiet place, comfy, lived-in, natural materials, positive energy vibe, less than $1000 in Inwood or Washington Heights... originally Inwood. I fell in love with Inwood because of its parks and a yoga studio that I really enjoyed. It is a quiet section of Manhattan and it has a really great energy, also has the last natural forest on Manhattan (fun fact!). So I envisioned this apartment about two years ago and I wrote it down in my notebook and it's been in my mind all this time. Anywho, back to the party.

So I ask her about this, "You have another apartment?" "Yea, I rent it out." "... Where is it?" "A studio in Inwood," she replied with a questioning look on her face. I felt the excitement building in me, it couldn't be that she has this apartment I've envisioned. No. Really? Could it be? "... and how much is it?" "$900 a month". I kind of expected this, though shocked at what I heard, "You have my apartment! That's the apartment I've been looking for!" She did, she had it all along, just like there was a bench-maker right in front of me. All I had to do was find that connection, or let it find me, just when it was supposed to. So turns out she had just agreed to rent it out to another guy, though not sure if it will work out or not. The plus side is (as there is always one) that now she knows about me and what I'm looking for, now whenever she needs someone, she knows that I have sent out that message, just like the bench-maker friend knows that we're looking for some carpentry work.

So for whatever reason these things happen and I am witness to them and an integral part of them coming to life. I am not just some random thing that can be removed and not felt in absence, I am critical to the fabric of these connections at this time and place. When I start to feel that I could just duck away, step out and no one would notice, I receive reminders like this: Open Your Eyes, You Are Enough, You Have Enough, It's All Here, You Are In Just The Right Place at Just the Right Time, Trust the Process, You are Everything that You Need, Be Grateful, Be Thankful, Love Every Piece of It.

A friend gave me a mantra today, "I Am Enough, I Have Enough, Everything that I Need is Coming to Me." And that's that, strengthening myself and knowing that the transition is just that, a transition, and I'm along for the beautiful, magic-filled, synchronistic ride.

#ridethewave #thisisit #youareit #trusttheprocess #transitions #synchronicity #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening

Ride the Wave

What a day! Well, what a couple of days, really. I've been feeling kind of "off", kinda cranky, not into things, and just kind of "floaty". Yea, floaty is the word I've been using from yesterday into today. I usually feel A LOT of things in my body, physical reactions to events that spark emotions like anxiousness, excitement, fear, love, etc. I feel them A LOT. In my chest, in my shoulder, in my back, depending on what it is and what it is about, I'm noticing these connections. But for the past day or two it's just been really fuzzy. Not sure what I'm feeling or what is what. I feel quite a bit of upward moving energy, hence the term "floaty". Like I'm being pulled up there into the planets, swirling around in their beautiful dance with them. (I've also heard a lot about weighing less during these times, too. So that would really explain the floaty-ness) Check out these celestial dances, magical!

So over the past day a bunch of things have gone, well, just not as planned... yesterday, as my coworker was getting into work and taking off her coat, getting settled, her earring fell off and disappeared,  as we were looking for it, a large bug jumped out in another area of the studio. Later on (didn't realize until today!) a friend left a box with a few gifted items at a restaurant, then I was making tea and totally forgot about it, left the pot on the stove, all the water boiled out, pot was melting, filled apartment with horrible burning smell. Thank goodness the smell triggered my memory. That was the scariest thing. I was just forgetful, spacey, not concentrated or grounded in activities. And it appears it wasn't just me.

What I really needed was some reassurance today, what I really needed was to know that it wasn't just me, that this was everyone, everything, and a flow that I should accept as natural and customary. I didn't know where that was coming from or in what shape or form, but it was definitely what I was looking for... and it came. In the form of people. In the shape of words, conversation, connection.

Thursdays are usually pretty heavy on the computer work at the studio (responding to emails, compiling the newsletter, etc.) but today... less than five emails arrived ALL DAY. En serio (seriously), no joke. And it was perfect because I was called to conversation. I had a meeting with a potential work study, I met with my coworker and the massage therapist, then the acupuncturist, then a friend who stopped by, then the kids and their parents, then a jewelry-maker who may sell at our boutique, then some more students, then closed and here I am. What a beautiful, beautiful dance. From here to there, floating seamless into and out of conversation, into and out of speaking and sharing and listening. Sharing my story, listening to stories, recognizing the beauty, the uniqueness of each individual. This brought me back, this was just what I needed today. I felt that magic, I felt compelled to sage, to burn incense, to pick a new crystal. And I did. It's the full moon and it's Friday the 13th and the floating may last for a little while. With all of that, all that I can do is dance... and float. Float along with all the other celestial bodies out there. Just Float With It. Ride The Wave.
#weremadeofstars #starstuff #magiceverywhere #itsallhappening #youaremeiamyou

Return of the Jedi

One Week! One Week without writing! What am I thinking? What am I doing? Who do I think I am?! Well, truth is I am a Jedi. But hey, there are NO Jedi's out there that go a week without being a Jedi... without practicing their skills and being in tune with The Force. No seriously. You've got to tune in, you've got to practice, you've got to Let. That. Shit. Out. Otherwise it brews in you, it stirs, it twists and turns and starts to whirl you all over the place. You start to think. To wonder. To ponder the sides, the possibilities, the what if's. You become susceptible to the Dark Side of The Force if you don't take the time to tune into yourself. After all, The Force isn't meant to be held in, to be kept inside you just for you, it's meant to be used, to be shared, to be practiced.

And you know why? It's so interesting, really. The more we let out, the more returns to us. The more we share, the more we see our vision, our thoughts, our beliefs, our power reinforced and strengthened. Of course, it's always up to us to Tune In and practice. To come back to ourselves and focus. To see what is it really that is going on here? Why am I not practicing my Jedi skills? Why am I not believing I am a Jedi? Is it because I'm not a Jedi? ...

No, it is not. You are a Jedi. You did not choose it, it was given to you. That is your gift. Even though you may try to run from it, it will always find you because you are Always called to it and it called to you. You are needed. It is needed from you.

Okay, so if I am a Jedi, why don't I feel like one?

Well, let's see, are you practicing? Are you tuning into The Force?

Mmmmm, not really. Like, once a week. Maybe. Sometimes it's more often.

Okay then, so does a once-a-week Jedi role suit you? Do you think that's even worth it? What about all the other days, what are you doing? You think you're just going to be a Jedi by sitting around? You think a Jedi is just going to be able to combat the dark side of The Force like that? I mean, you are right, it is within you, BUT it does not mean that you don't have to do the work. It does not mean that you do not have to practice. Practice is what makes the Jedi. The Jedi is his practice. Through practice you become, through practice you believe, through practice you embody that which is beginning to take form within you. BUT only if you choose to strengthen it. There is always a choice.

So what happens when you don't practice? What happens when you don't write? You don't write. Then you don't write. Then you don't write. Until you're not. And then you're not and then you just don't even remember what you're doing here in the first place. What was that thing that was so exciting? What was that thing that felt so good? What was that thing that kept me up late, ideas flowing, making connections, leading me somewhere? Oh Yea! That's what it was. What happened to that? Where did that go? I wonder if it will still feel the same... Is it even worth it?

Yes, it must be, if I keep on thinking about it. If it can't leave me alone then it is worth listening to.

Then you begin. You open that post. You type those words. You play that chord, you sing that note, you move those feet. And poof! You're in it. The Force. There it is. Not in the way you remember, but it's there all right. After all, it is Within you. It was All Along. Just waiting for you. To Tune In. To Come Back. To Let It Out. To say, "Hello, it's me. I'm here and I'm ready. I am a Jedi".

Hey Jude, You'll Do

It's a new year! Wow, so that happened. And here we are. I am excited and find myself hopeful, encouraged, and courageous. It seems I know what the possibilities and opportunities might be that lie ahead, though not clear and not having presented themselves, I can feel it, I sense it, it seems big things are happening, and I don't mean just for me. A collective movement towards change, towards awareness, towards a consciousness that is kinder and more strategic and sustainable (I love that word ❤ and the concept. Why did we ever Stop thinking about the long term sustainability of our planet, our bodies, our collective here in this place? Well I guess we just had to learn it for ourselves, just like Dorothy leaving Kansas, see, I told you everything goes back to the wizard of Oz hehe... anywho) .

Even though I feel these things happening and I know that it is all happening just as it should and in its correct time, there is definitely an uncertainty, a worry, a limiting belief, a sort of sabotage that goes on in the shedding of old ways. When we are faced with the possibilities of a future brighter than we could have ever imagined, or an opportunity beyond our wildest dreams, we always have a choice. Will we step back, sink in and play it safe, just as we've always done, or will we step forward, lean in, and trust with open arms and hearts that what has arrived is serving our best interests no matter the outcome? 

Lean in. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Love with your heart open, trusting that all of it, everything is for you. You don't need anything more, nothing or no one else is the solution to any of your "problems" or your being "stuck". Get out of your own way. Make space for you, for all of it. For all of your uniqueness to shine. That's what you are here to do. That's what we are meant to do. Each and every one of us. When we recognize the excuses we're making, the ways we are holding ourselves back, we can stop the patterns, we can hack our mindsets and therefore our lives, and make way for our limitless potential to unfold. And it will unfold whether we like it or not. We either fight it or we let it flow. As one of my oldest and dearest friends, Leanne, would say, "Go wth the flow, like a river". And that's that. Let what comes come, let what is, be. Be thankful for it. Pour your love on it. Open your heart. That's what we're here to do.

Leaving you with some of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, "Hey Jude" by The Beatles, because, if you haven't found out already, the Beatles said it first:

"Hey Jude,

Don't make it bad

Take a sad song 

And make it better

Remember 

To let her into your heart

Then you can start

To make it better

Hey Jude

Don't be afraid

You were made to

Go out and get her

The minute

You let her under your skin

Then you begin

To make it better 

So let it out

And let it in

Hey Jude 

Begin

You're waiting for

Someone to 

Perform with

Well don't you know

That IT'S JUST YOU

Hey Jude 

YOU'LL DO

The movement you need

IS ON YOUR SHOULDER..."

Hey Jude, that's you. You've got it. Right here. Right now. This. Is. It..